Last night I was explaining childhood amnesia to my Mom.

If you don’t know, childhood amnesia is the phenomenon by which your memories of you childhood disappear prior to you being around 11 years old. Most of them anyway. Your brain is sort of like a sponge. It soaks up your memories, but over time, the older memories get buried deeper in the center as new memories are added to the exterior. Thus they become harder to access.

Not the most scientific explanation, I know. But effective.

Despite childhood amnesia, some memories do stick around. They’re called core memories. Typically they’re associated with strong emotions or big events.

So of course, Mom asked me what I remember from my childhood.

“My favorite memory was one Christmas when you got me…”

“A Transformer"; she shook her head. “How did I know you were going to say that?” She was almost disappointed in my response. Which is either funny or sad… I don’t know which. Let’s be clear. It wasn’t just some random Transformer. This… was FORTRESS MAXIMUS. There are a few holy grail toys from my childhood. The USS Flagg from GI Joe is arguably the craziest; definitely the largest and most expensive. It was the size of a coffee table. Fortress Maximus wasn’t quite on that level, but it was up there.

It was the largest Transformer ever made to that point in time. In 1987, this thing was almost as tall as I was. It also cost $70. Adjusted for inflation, that would be $187 now. For a Transformer. We were not remotely well-off financially. We weren’t poor exactly, but this was a big ask. I imagine I begged Santa for it.

Christmas morning, 1987. I rose early, eager to see what presents I’d receive. I took a quick look at the presents by the tree. Nothing remotely big enough to be Fortress Maximus. Oh well. I’m sure I was sad, but I knew it was a huge request, even for Santa. And I probably figured I hadn’t been good enough that year anyway.

I knew I should wait for my parents before opening presents, so I went to use the bathroom. I’ll spare you the details. But when I was done, I walked back towards the living room. Just as I was about to leave, something caught my eye. Something so huge, that quite frankly I should have noticed when I was walking in. In red lipstick, my Mom had written “Look under the sink!” with a red arrow on the bathroom mirror. There, as she’d suggested, was a giant present.

I did not wait for my parents to open it.

It was the best Christmas ever. In the intervening years, we got a Super Nintendo, Game Boys and other such things. I’m sure those were just as expensive, if not more so. And yet still they do not compare. I asked Santa for something rare and special. The thing I wanted most. And I got it.

I wish Mom understood how much that meant.

The other thing I told her was about our family trip to Walt Disney World. “How do you remember that? You were two.” It was important. We went to Walt Disney World! (You can read more on that in my book. On sale now!) Now, granted very little of that trip remains in memory, but it mattered enough that I held onto it.

In general, my childhood was not pleasant, but there were moments of wonder and excitement.

I left out the bad memories. Huddling together in my Maw Maw and Paw Paw’s house during a hurricane. Waiting with my cousins as those same Grandparents were taken to hospitals for cancer treatments that would eventually fail.

There are the things that shape us as people. You never know how something that seems small to you will affect children.