*No spoilers

Man, I was really excited for this movie. Like, really excited. The trailer looked amazing.

But if I’m being honest, I did not enjoy this film nearly as much as the reviewers seem to. And frankly, I think the reason is that this movie is just arty enough that pretentious people are going to hail it as genius.

And that isn’t to say I didn’t like it. I did. I just didn’t love it. And I don’t know if I would sit through it again.

But allow me to explain.

First, let me say this. Some bitch brought her son and a bunch of his mid-pubescent friends to see the movie and left them. I would like to punch this woman in the throat. Everything, Everywhere, All at Once is many things (including a mouthful), but it is not a Marvel superhero movie. Yes, there is a multiverse, but it is an art film with cool fights. I wonder how much of my view of this film is flavored by my having to ignore farting noises made from children’s mouths.

Everything Everywhere has fantastic cinematography, wonderful performances, splendid fight sequences and the return of Short Round (of Temple of Doom fame) to movie screens. It also has a lot of heart. It is well worth watching.

Unfortunately, the movie is also overly long, poorly paced and it can’t decided whether it wants to be wacky or poignant. I’m not saying a smart film can’t have humor, but the jokes can’t take you out of the movie. For an art film, Everything Everywhere has a disturbing amount in common with the jokes from the movie Hot Shots. It functions best in the scenes that are emotional as well as the fight sequences. It is at its worst when it is being silly. Jokes that should be quick one-offs become distracting running gags. And it isn’t beneficial. You could easily cut half an hour of bad running gags from film and it would genuinely make it better.

I heard one reviewer say “this movie has something to say”. Sure. There are mature themes at play and I did enjoy them. But at the same time, it was all kind of obvious and on the nose. If I can tell what the point of the film is, 15 minutes into a 2.5 hour runtime, that isn’t great.

For all its majesty, the movie could have been named Everything, Everywhere, All Really Obvious.

Ultimately, Everything Everywhere, All at Once is somewhere between Terms of Endearment and a bad attempt to remake The Naked Gun. But set in a multiversal sci-fi script.

Still, kudos to Michelle Yeoh and all the other primary actors. They really gave amazing perfomances.