All That Remains

Its been an interesting week for me in a lot of ways. There are wheels turning in the background of my life. Some things I have to wait to see how things develop. But that isn’t what I want to talk about here.

Today’s topic is regret.

In the past week, I attempted to reconnect with someone who apparently wants nothing to do with me. I made some pretty big moves to get this person back. The details don’t matter. I failed. I fell flat on my face. The fact that I knew this was the most likely outcome did nothing to soften the blow.

I’ve been asked a couple of times, “if you knew she was going to reject you, why did you do it?”

It’s a fair question. A logical one.

In the end it comes down to what kind of person you want to be. I believe that at the end of a man’s life he has two piles. One is everything he’s done. The other is everything he wishes he had. My goal in life is die with as few regrets as possible.

If I hadn’t reached out to her, there’s a good chance I would have spent the rest of my life wondering what would have happened if I’d had the courage to try. And having tried, I feel a sense of relief. I did my best. And as cliche as it may sound, that isn’t failure. A man who never shows courage in the face of potential disaster is far more of failure than the man who risked everything to get what he wanted.

I’m in my forties now. There are more years behind me than in front of me. How will I use that time? Will I cower and wait for time to run out? Or will I stand tall and take risks?

I can’t tell you how my story ends. But I promise you this. When I go, I’m leaving nothing left in the tank.